The back and forth

Is tearing my insides apart.


I find myself jealous

That I'm the one falling apart.


I can't keep it together.

I can't find peace.

I don't know what to do.


Happiness eludes me

As I sink further

Into my personal hell.


What's wrong with me?

Why can't I find myself?

What do I really want?


No, I know what I want.

I want to be selfish again.

It wasn't fair to anyone but me.

But selfishness gave me happiness...


My insides hurt.

I'm near death inside.

My solace is in one hand

My pain is in the other.


Yet still I can't make up my mind.

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